So it’s been about four months since I’ve been diagnosed with my eye condition and each day has been a journey. From tears to doubts to acceptance, I’ve experienced a whirlwind of emotions along the way.
Four months ago, I had a hard time finding the words for how I was feeling when my doctor first diagnosed me with a chronic eye condition. I was scared and uncertain about what would happen in the days to come. I went through an extensive series of blood work and tests on my eye before I began to realize that this was my new reality. I had always been relatively healthy with no serious health complications, so to be diagnosed with something so serious left me in shock.
Immediately after writing my last post on this topic, I went searching for answers. I wanted to have an understanding of why I was was going through this. If almost by luck, I stumbled upon an article with the answer I was looking for. My doctor shocked by how someone with no prior conditions (and negative results from each test I took) could all of a sudden be going through what I was: inflammation in the blood vessels of my eye. But, in the article lied the answer – depression can cause inflammation.
In the months prior to being diagnosed, I had been battling severe depression. It led to headaches that I had even gone to the hospital for, for treatment and many days where I didn’t want to get out of bed or interact with those around me. I was crying almost every night and slowly but surely, I was bottling myself into this dark place that I was all too familiar with.
The article when on to say that immunotherapy (the medication I’m currently taking) can help to manage symptoms of inflammation. I had no idea that the thing I had been going through all of my life could cause such a serious condition. But, having better clarification on why I’m going through what I’m going through has really given me the inspiration I’ve needed to try and get better.
Depression isn’t something where you can snap your fingers and then it’s gone; it’s a work in progress and I’m working hard as hell right now. I’m trying to get consistent with writing and confront the demons that I’ve tried to hide for so long. I recently even started writing a book. I’m not sure if I’ll ever truly publish it, but I feel accomplished with even taking on such a project and remaining consistent with it.
While I know I won’t be able to heal overnight, I’m just proud to be starting the process. I’ve accepted where I’m at with my eye condition and I know that with healing myself, I can get through this.