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Lemons & Lemonade

We’ve all heard the phrase, “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade” at some point in our lifetime. But, what always baffles me is that there’s no recipe for this lemonade. I mean for most, lemonade is more than just water and sliced lemons. It also can consist of sugar (and sugar alternatives), simple syrups, and other sliced fruits. Yet, even once we’ve gotten the ingredients down, how do we know the right ratios. Too much sugar and it’s too sweet. Too little sugar and now you’re left with an unsatisfying, bitter drink. My point being, when life gives you lemons (obstacles), how are we supposed to know the recipe for the perfect lemonade (success). We’ve all had bad lemonade before right? So why would we want that wrong mix in our life.

When I first started this blog a few months ago, I was on an adrenaline rush from a mix of excitement and anxiety about sharing my thoughts and writing with the world. I had blogged before, but was never consistent. This blog was my fresh start. I had a schedule going and it was working. But then, about a month ago, I was diagnosed with a rare eye condition and I started looking at everything differently.  I became withdrawn from not only this blog, but from those around me as well.

It all started with a few random flashes of light from the corner of my eye. The first specialist I saw thought it was nothing more than a small retinal tear, something that at its earliest stages can be fixed relatively easily. But, when the flashes persisted, I went to see another specialist and that’s when things changed. 20 vials of blood and multiple chest x-ray scans later, I found myself being haunted by this newly diagnosed condition. When my specialist first uttered its name I was scared. Especially when I was told that the condition was chronic, and that for the rest of my life I will have to undergo routine check-ups and for the next 2-3 years I will have to go through aggressive treatment which could possibly involve chemo. I didn’t know how to feel about myself.

Everyday I came on here to write, but could never find the right words to sum up how I was feeling. I tried to avoid conversations with others, afraid that it would result in nothing but tears. The hardest part for me was feeling like I was finally getting myself on the right path and then here came along another setback. So what I do with my lemons now?

It’s been about a month and as I’m awaiting my follow-up appointment next week to go over my options for treatment, I’ve had a lot of time to reflect. I’ve come to the realization that there probably is no one way to satisfy the infamous phrase of lemons and lemonade. It requires trial and error. Sometimes we’re dealt more lemons than we know what to do with, but somewhere in there is the right mix.

I realize I don’t have all the answers or a clear direction of where I’m supposed to be in life right now, but I’m figuring it out one day at a time. Even though at first I was ready to let the unsettling news get me down, I’ve found a way to use it as my strength. Life can throw all the lemons it wants my way, I’m ready to make some lemonade.

 

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